I really need to work on writing in this more…and I will I promise!!  I think of topics for my blog all the time it seems, but taking the time to do it is what I really need to work on.  I’ve felt an overwhelming presence of God and His abundance in my life lately…and how He lines things up so perfectly in my life.  And why shouldn’t I believe that He will continue to line things up with the current issues going on in my life lately?  It is difficult but I am continuing to challenge myself to remember something from a Beth Moore study I learned last fall from Mark 9:24 “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”  I believe wholeheartedly in our powerful, almighty, overcoming Savior…but at times, it is difficult to believe in Him for MY own life.  Isn’t that odd?  I recognized this in myself last fall and have been quick to say in every moment of weakness, “God I believe in You, and I believe You.”  These are two very different things to me that I’ve had to learn and I’ve seen beautiful examples of this revealed to me.  I’ve begun to realize that God would rather hear our honest pleas to Him in our weakness, when we recognize that we need Him to pull us back up, than for us to present ourselves to Him in any way other than with complete honesty and humility.  Why would I think I am any different?  That I should have to put up a front to Him?  I can rejoice fully that He accepts me as I am and He knows my every care and thought before I bring it to Him.  I don’t have to pretend, even when I don’t want to pull myself out of bed in the morning and paste on a smile for everyone else.  He is with me, holding my hand ever step of the way.  And I don’t know about you, but holding hands is one of my favorite things.  It makes me feel connected, stronger, safer, more confident in my next stride.  And God wants that for us…He desires a relationship with us where we can reach to Him every step of the way.  He wants to hold our hands and be with us through sunlight fields when we are rejoicing in gladness in His blessings in our lives and also to hold our hands as He delivers us through the fiery trials we must endure here on earth.  It really is a beautiful picture of His love.

On Monday of this past week, at a meeting for Women’s League Core Team and Bible Study Facilitators, I was blessed to once again pray with an amazing group of women for each other, our church relationships, our pastor, our host homes, child care providers, and participants.  It is wonderful to be on our knees praying and to be fully aware of the events in our lives that He is orchestrating so beautifully.  In my own life I am dealing with so much, but I have beautiful friends who love me and support me, and who make my life so much easier and who brighten my darker days.  Romans 8:28 keeps coming over me lately that “we know God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose for them”.  I am striving to live according to His purpose for me, and honestly am having some trouble figuring out what that purpose is at times.  The only purpose I’ve ever known for my life is that I want to help people.  I used to think it was through medicine, I decided against that, and now I don’t know what it is just yet.  And I think I am okay with it as long as I am pursuing Him I feel like the pieces will fall into place.  I am praying right now for my life that God closes any doors He does not want me going through, even though they might be good things.  I want to do the things that will help me fully utilize the gifts He’s give me.  I want to fulfill my purpose and I believe in the power of prayer to help me realize what it is.  I am reading several books by Stormie Omartian (The power of a praying wife, woman, and parent; and the power of praying together) and I came across a passage the other day about praying for purpose for your husband and it speaks to my own heart as well.  “I’ve observed that people who have had actively praying parents seem to find their life’s work early.  Their careers may not take off immediately, but they have a sense of purpose and destiny that propels them in the right direction.  They don’t live with the frustration and aimlessness that others do.  While many parents have an agenda for their children, not enough of them seek out God’s plan for their lives.  When a child’s life is left to chance that way, a kind of vocational wandering can result.  There is needless floundering, disappointment, doubt, and despair as he tries to carve out a place for himself.  If your husband had that kind of start, your prayers can change his life” (Stormie Omartian Chapter 2 “His Work” in The Power of a Praying Wife)  How amazing it is that God empowers us in such a way!!  I love my husband with absolutely all of my heart.  It overwhelms me with joy and hope when I see him so in love with our Lord and following in His ways and I want Doug to constantly seek Him and His will.  I feel that Doug and I both had rocky starts (of course blessed and fortunate to be in this country and with the luxuries we have that we take for granted-story for another day), but the amazing thing is that God can take us from where ever we’ve been and transform our hearts and minds, and He loves us no matter where we’ve been or how far we’ve fallen!  Oh it just makes me want to shout!! Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus! Lord, You’re worthy of all the glory, all the honor, and all my praise!

I was reminded on Thursday that I need to lighten up and not take myself so seriously!  That I take myself and my circumstances far too seriously and I have to snap my fingers (thanks, Angel!) and remember in the big scheme of things, our lives are like that snap of my fingers…quick!  And if our lives are that quick, how big are the individual circumstances that “plague” us daily?  One of my favorite quotes is to stop telling God how big our problems are and to start telling our problems how big our God is.  And I am going to try to remember that each and every moment that I go through in this struggle to become a parent.  Every day is a challenge, some more so than others, but I know our wonderful God works everything together for good and I know that He is bigger than every problem I could ever have, no matter how big it seems.  And I know that others also have problems and being there for them is so important to me.  I pray that I can continue to figure out my purpose for my life keeping in mind I’ve always wanted to help others in any way and whatever way I can.

And until then, I plan on lightening up and not worrying about what the world around me thinks, and just giving every aspect of my life and my “plan” to the Lord…I will lay them at His feet, and not keep a hold on any of them, so that He can fully work in His wonderful ways!