That’s all I am at the core of it. Incredibly flawed and imperfect, yet God’s greatest masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). We are as close to God as we choose to be. God desires us as friends and to surrender our lives to Him. There are many things I claim to surrender, yet I know that I have placed them on His altar, only to look back and decide maybe I still need to have my hand on that still…just for safe keeping of course. Maybe God isn’t ready to get around to it yet so I’m going to continue to pay it some attention and try to work it out. I’m really doing it as a favor to Him, I’m not being disobedient or unfaithful. Or I guess that’s what I’ve been telling myself. The lies I’ve been allowing myself to believe. When I do this don’t let me fool you, I really do know exactly what I’m doing and it’s my choice to do these things. And then my mind becomes consumed with this thing I KNOW would be in far better hands than mine but since I’ve chosen to keep this thing under my control I’ve chosen to distance myself from my best friend, God. I’ve chosen to say I don’t believe that He is all I know Him to be. I’ve chosen to put myself and my issue or circumstance in a higher order because “I’ve got this.”. What I’ve really got is authority issues and control issues. When my life would be much richer if I would just leave it alone and absolutely trust God with it. It goes back to day 1. It’s not about me. When I choose this plan of action, which occurs far more often than I’d like to admit, my mind spirals out of control, my focus is shifted and the choices I make from that point on are terribly skewed. And I’m not talking about “big” sins for lack of a better statement (all sins are rebellious against God, thus there are none bigger or smaller, less damaging than another)…I’m talking about choices I make and lies I tell myself everyday.

When my focus is on God and on the heart of God I am refreshed, at peace, and renewed. I have a renewed since of hope and direction that is not circumstantial, it is eternal which makes all the rest fade away. When I remember that every action I take can be used as an act of worship my day gets brighter, my interactions with people are easier, more significant. My thoughts are surrendered and held captive to my King and my insecurities are checked at the door (2 Corinthians 10:5). Even when things don’t make any sense to me. When it’s all about worshipping my Savior and I’m not shining the spotlight on myself I can truly see. When it’s all about me, I’m blinding myself with that spotlight and blurring my vision. I lose the ability to appropriately and accurately make good choices because now when I look out at my options even the bad ones don’t look so bad because of the haze that surrounds both the bad and good. When I direct my eyes and my focus on worship the truth has never been clearer. I don’t have a second thought about what God wants for my life and the desires of His heart. It all comes back to love. And when I can clearly see I can love not only others more clearly but I can love my gracious God in the way He truly deserves, even though all of my worship could never measure up to how awesome and Holy He is.

Father you are my redeemer. You are my strength, hope, and peace in my restless soul. In all my imperfection I need you and I love you. Please forgive me for making it about me, when clearly it is always about You. Help me Father to surrender myself to You and Your will in my every breath. I know I am weak and will fail but I know You are perfect and love me in ways I could never understand. Thank you for it all God. For revealing to me Your desires and plans for my life, I trust that You are revealing them and working it all together for my good and Your glory in Your sovereign timing. Thank you Father for loving me, a sinner first, and meeting me where I am and walking with me and desiring friendship and fellowship with someone like me. I love You and desire that my live for You grow and grow each day.