No turning back.  No turning back.

The world behind me, the cross before me.

I have decided to follow Jesus.

Though I may wander, I still will follow.

Though none go with me, still I will follow.

Will you decide now to follow Jesus?

No turning back.

I will follow You, Jesus.

 

He always knows just how to humble me.  Stop me in my pride.  Remind me of His cross.  The cross He bore for me.  For my sins.  For my uncleanliness.  To make me new.  To make me worthy.  To create in me a new heart and a new mind.  A new spirit under His authority.  He is my Jehovah Rapha.  El Shaddai.  El Elyon.  Jehovah- Raah.  Jehovah Shammah.  Jehovah Mekoddishkem.  El Olam.  Elohim.  Qanna.  Jehovah Jireh.  Jehovah Shalom.  Abba, my daddy, and Emmanuel, always with me.   He is all these things to me and more.

And He has greatly reminded me of them the past week.  Especially when I sought Him out yesterday and today through His Word.  His living and breathing Word which always fills my spirit.  Renews my mind and my heart.  Yet, I wander all too often.  What is wrong with me when I go elsewhere to be filled with the empty and useless stuff of this world?  Nothing that I seek elsewhere is truly fulfilling, whereas He can fill me with the water that truly quenches my thirst.  I am grateful that today, I have that filling.  Even when things aren’t going perfectly.  When I feel alone or afraid, I can remember that I am not alone.  I have nothing to fear.  Praise Him, who is most holy and faithful to me, even when I am not faithful to Him.  My heart weeps for that fact.  I no longer want to keep God at an arm’s length from me, pretending only to myself that I am protecting myself.  By keeping God at arm’s length I am keeping myself from His blessings and all the good that He has to give to me and to show me and to teach me.  I am far worse off when I try to manage it myself.  Thank you, God, for this humbling reminder of how much I always need You more than anything else in this world.

Since last week I have been having stomach issues that have not let up.  They have taken my energy, stolen my joy, caused fear in my heart for my upcoming labor and birth, and I am putting a stop to that NOW.  He bore the cross for me and He is all I need.  No matter what twists and turns the remaining days of this pregnancy or my labor and birth may have in store for me, at the end of the day, I can rest in Him no matter what happens.  I pray I can be an example of this to my children every day, not just once in a while.  I pray for Doug’s health and wellness to rise above whatever is in our household.  I claim healing for our family and our home and all who enter into it.  I pray for Ryne’s health through this winter/cold/flu season as well as I pray for his sweet heart as he faces the changes of welcoming a new brother or sister to our family.  I pray he will adjust well and will feel the love and joy and excitement of a new family member as well as the coming season of thankfulness and celebrating the birth of our Savior.  I pray that even as I weather this storm and come out the other side that my God would be mightily glorified above all else and that His light would shine through me.  That the devil would get under my feet during this season.  God will remove any fears, doubts, anxiety from my heart and my mind.  Every thought of mine will remain captive to God and will pass through the lens of His Kingdom before I entertain any of it.  I praise Him for His goodness forever and ever.

Thank you, Abba, daddy, and thank you Jesus for all you have done on my behalf, when I was truly the very least of these.

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